| |
| Name | Time (seconds) |
| Miguel (the water polo'ing jesus alike) | 37.0 |
| Jeremy "I'm from Kenya" | 29.7 |
| Ben | 26.6 |
| James "blow me down" Reddick | 26.1 |
| McBrian | 21.6 |
| Little Bowden | 17.8 |
| Matt | 16.3 |
| Alan Alan | 16.1 |
| Niko | 14.6 |
| Leo Popodopolis | 13.5 |
| Frances | 13.1 |
| Joseph | 11.2 |
| Rose "get off me you bitches" | 10.7 |
| TJ | 9.7 |
| Anita ta ta ta | 6.6 |
| Adam The Machine (but obviously not in this case) | 5.4 |
| Marta "hamster chops" | 4.8 |
| Sophsky "I'm a lady" | 0.6 |